Was I in pain? A little bit, emotionally. Kind of melancholy, but mostly...lost. I woke up feeling lost in the world. I am a processor. A thinker always thinking. Noodling, as my boss calls it. There have been so many transitions in my life lately. Actually, looking back, I feel as though I have always been in some sort of transitional phase. Never settling down. Never putting down roots. Truth is, I don't know how.
I prayed for a widow when I saw the marker for her late husband. Someone I know. I thanked God for my job and my coworkers. For my supporters, I thanked God for them as I walked. I thanked God that my life would not end in a cemetery.
I kept walking. Searching. For what? Answers? Clues? Symbolism? It was cold. Blustery, with snow flurries. I love this kind of weather, but I wasn't in the mood for what I love. I wanted to keep walking until I was satisfied. A bit while later, I asked for forgiveness. I asked God to reveal to me what was hindering me from hearing Him. I wanted to be rid of it. Confess it. So I could hear.
A bit while later, these words appeared in my mind, "Why are you looking for the living among the dead?" I stopped walking. God was making a point. I know He is not a riddler just messing with my head. Nope. There is a reason He spoke these words to me. These are the same words spoken by an angel in Luke 24:5 to women who were going to the tomb of Jesus on the third day. So the words impressed on my mind are not a new revelation, but there is a spiritual application for my life in them. But what? I cannot rely on my own brains for this one. He must want me to come to him for the answer to the question for my life. I love that about God.