Sunday, December 4, 2011

Where Have I Been?

On the top of my blog, I mention birds getting caught in whirl and that's where I have been.  It was Sept 23 when I last wrote here.  My life has been a whirlwind lately and in the flurry of changes, I lost my focus.  Instead of straining ahead in faith, I became overwhelmed by everything.  Doubt set in, followed by fear, then immobility.  Yet, perhaps stillness isn't a bad thing, for I needed time to process.  Maybe it is a character flaw, but I need to know how to cope and relate to my surroundings.  Even if I cannot see my next step, I must understand the context of where I am. 

For the past few weeks, there have been many days when I've been withdrawn and moody, but I did not understand why.  In August, I began working a job that I love, but lately, sometimes I responded to the environment as if it were my enemy.  Troubled by this, I found myself building walls instead of relationships.  It didn't make sense.  No matter what I tried to do to, the gravitational pull towards my defense mechanisms was stronger than my will to persevere.  My soul sickness rendered me unwilling to fight the spiritual battles unseen to my eyes yet felt deep within my heart.  It hasn’t been on my own strength that I have been able to make through these dark days, but rather the prayers of the faithful.

I believe God allowed this discontentment to show me how little I trust Him.  He has revealed how I have been using old wounds and past sorrows to dictate my steps on this journey.  Behaviors that once puzzled are now understood in the light of truth.   With truth to guide, I am on my way again. I'm still uncertain what the future will reveal, but I know I cannot keep looking back.  Hindsight isn't always twenty-twenty and it isn't always reliable.  My focus must be straight ahead, eyes trained on where Jesus is leading, so I can keep moving forward.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Good Heart Health

This past Monday, I started walking in the mornings.  It is something I have needed to do for quite sometime now, but just did not do it due to excessive overtime leading to lack of desire.  
But, I have started and determined in my heart to continue.  I want good health, especially good heart health!
Anyway, this walking time is my time to pray and think.  Either Wednesday or Thursday, I was thinking about God and how good He is.  I mean I knew this on a cognitive level, but as I was walking and praying, I realized that I now know it in my soul.  That is a whole different level and a whole different kind of good heart health!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Dog Tired

 Yep, I am just that tired... It is a good tired, though.  However, this is all I got today.  Thought the picture was cute and pretty much captured how I feel.  Blessings to you!  

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Birthday Bliss

What can I say about my birthday bliss?   There have been birthday wishes, greetings and songs.  Prayers and hugs.  Laughter and good times.  A marvelous day with all the moments threaded together with loving kindness to create a celebration of life with family and friends.  As my birthday draws to a close, I look forward to peaceful slumber.       
Reflecting on today, it has been a very happy birthday indeed.


Friday, September 16, 2011

What goes best with chicken lettuce wraps? Friends!! :)

Don’t get me wrong, I love my new job, but I miss my friends from the old place.  While I am establishing friendships at the new place, there are roots and history with my friends from my previous job.  I treasure these friends and intend to safeguard the relationships so that we do not grow distant and then eventually strangers.  I’m sure my buddies would agree!

Tonight a trio of us dined at PF Chang’s China Bistro.   Some would call it a rut, but I absolutely love, love, love the chicken lettuce wraps.  I’ve tried similar offerings at other establishments, but nothing compares (at least to me).   It’s my favorite dish of all time at any restaurant.  And what makes them even better is enjoying them with friends!

Tonight was so much fun!  I loved catching up over dinner and then over dessert at another restaurant.  The stories that made me laugh until my sides hurt were great, but the best part of the evening was spending time together.  Thank you friends for a fabulous time!    

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Just for giggles...

I have been experiencing internet issues so I have not been able to post for two days!  And due to having to work on those problems, I have nothing prepared right now.  But I thought I might just pop a picture in this post just for giggles.  The mug in the picture below was a thank you gift to me and every time I see it, I smile!  :)    It's Adorable!  (the mug not my smile)  Even though I get a giggle from this mug, there is truth on it I take it to heart.  Hope to be back to writing tomorrow!  Have a fantastic day and pray a latte.  Cheers!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

A Hero Responded...

Today is September 11, 2011 and the anniversary of another moment where time stood still and forged a lasting memory.  However, this post is not to relive 9-11 as I had drafted while waiting for my clothes to dry at the laundromat.  Something happened on the way home from there which brought tears to my eyes and the acknowledgement that heroism will never fail to exist somewhere. 

With laundry done, I was headed for home with the blog ideas fresh in my head.  Just a ways in the distance there appeared to be a car off to the side on the opposite side of the road and so I slowed a bit in case there was an accident.  My heart ached instantly at the sight of an older man steering an antique car while pushing it all by himself.  Immediately, I prayed “Oh God, help him.”  Before you pick up stones to throw at me, hear me out.  My vehicle was heading in the opposite direction, but I said “I’ll go back.”  Even though I know nothing about cars and completely out of shape, I could help somehow.  As soon as “I’ll go back” left my lips, a mini van passed me heading the other way and pulled over.  It all happened in a matter of seconds.  Watching in my rear view mirror, I saw a hearty young man hurrying to the old guy’s aid.  Tears flooded my eyes.   God answered my prayer!  He sent a hero to help where I probably would have been a hindrance.  The right person was sent for the task at hand, but this time it wasn’t me and I am trusting in God’s providence.  I will never know what caused the car to break down or why the young man stopped to help, but I do know the events I witnessed would make a much better blog post than what I had already written.    

Sharing what occurred today seemed fitting for Patriot Day and the tenth anniversary of 9-11.  Though we cannot forget what happened on that day, we can choose to honor the responders and victims by being every day heroes.   I wasn’t the hero of this story, but I wanted to encourage others with the heroism I observed today.  Sure, it was just one man lending a hand to another, but to the older gentleman and this witness, it was a hero that responded.

“…as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people…”  Galatians 6:10 NIV

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Learning to Breathe Again...

I have been at my new job for a little over a month and I think I am finally learning how to breathe again.  At long last, I feel myself relaxing into this new role and the responsibilities that come with it.  Becoming acquainted with a whole new cast of characters and adapting to my new environment was a struggle I never imagined.  Emancipation from my previous job was glorious indeed, for the motto for the first week was Hurrah!   However, I never gave any thought to what would follow. 

Old, long forgotten fears suddenly shrouded my thoughts.  Emotional wounds once healed were reopened rendering me a weeping heap of flesh at the most inopportune moments.   The next couple of weeks that followed, I would try to cover my wounds and hide in my cubicle.  Fear of rejection and fear of being inadequate prevented me from speaking up and sharing completely what was going on in my mind.  I knew I was trying to build walls with one hand and trying to knock them down with the other.   Fighting the temptation to run away was constantly battling the desire to stay and be successful.

Many days I considered returning to my old job, but someone would stop by my cubicle to chat or there would be an email reassuring me I was in the right place.  My co-workers have taken in the frazzled and bedraggled mess I am without judgment or reproach.  No matter how stinky, in my mind, my attitude may have been graciousness has been the response.  It has taken me about six weeks to stop holding my breath waiting for the axe to fall.    

The fears that once clouded my thoughts are receding and the old wounds are healing.  The process is tough, but I must work through it.  “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18.  This verse has been proven time and time again in my life, but especially the past few weeks.  It is by faith, prayer, and resolve to not be defeated that I am learning to breathe again.   

Friday, September 9, 2011

It’s about Time…

So, I’ve been thinking about blogging and I have taken the time to build the blog site.  But…here I sit staring at a blank screen wondering what in the world do I have to say?  Puzzling… there is so much going on in my life, but does anyone really want to read about it?  Maybe… let’s give it a whirl.

What I am really doing is stalling for time.  There is a phone call I need to make, but I am afraid to make it.  So if I make myself busy enough with creating this blog, it will be too late to call.  It’s Friday night, I’m sure they are out for a night on the town because that is what people do, right?  Even though, I am at home on a Friday night writing to anyone who will read this, I would think other people are finding some sort of amusement to pass the time.   Yet… I need to make the call. 

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” Psalm 139:23 NIV   Yep, I prayed, not these exact words, but I prayed.  Then, I made the call.

It’s all good.  What was I worried about?  Why do I create anxiety where there should be none?  It is just plain silly to fret over things that do not matter in the grand scheme of things.  Where was my faith?  Well, it just got tested.  It’s about time I start trusting in that which I claim to believe.