I Love to Laugh :)

Tonight, I had dinner with friends and we laughed.  I love to laugh.  I love when laughter consumes me and it will not stop.  It's delightful!  Even even when my sides start to hurt, the joy in the moment is priceless.  I love when something funny tickles me and I laugh and laugh to the point where I can barely stand up.  That kind of laughter is soul cleansing.  


For the most part, I have been taking life so seriously in recent days, weeks, and months.  Yet, the changes in my life have warranted a sober thoughtfulness.  Changes in employment and moving to a new home are enough to drive most people a little over the edge.  Adding the spiritual level to the mix gives a whole new dimension and perspective to an already stressful time.  There is a lot to think about and process, and those things often edge out the need for humor in my life.  Somewhere in all the stress and changes, I stopped laughing, or laughing much less than I used to.  I love to laugh...I miss that person in me.


Along the same lines, I pretty much stopped trying to make other people laugh.  Finding ways to cause people to laugh was something I enjoyed doing.  I found so much satisfaction in that ability.  People erupting in laughter at a story or joke told by me was pure elation.  It did my soul good.  Somewhere in the all the stress and changes, I stopped trying to make others laugh.  I love to make others laugh...I miss that person in me.


I must still be in a phase, because when I find myself laughing these days, it is noteworthy.  Maybe not to everyone, but it is to me.  Or maybe I am coming out of a phase because I am blogging about it.  Either way, the truth is still the same... I love to laugh :)

Gumption Assumption

The Dream Theater must have opened in my mind because last night I had a pretty interesting dream, at least to me.  This time, I wrote it down as soon as I woke up.  I haven't sought dream analysis due to the time of day it is and I am just waiting on the dryer to finish so I can go get the laundry and go to bed.  So exhausted.  Haha...That makes me think of a joke.  It is simply, "I'm so exhausted, I must have dreamed I was a muffler."  Buh dah bum... I'll keep my day job.  


Anyway, I do believe I am dreaming about goals and doubts, but the winds of change are blowing.  In my dream last night, I was in a gymnasium like room being tested on my listening skills.  Someone was going to read to me and that person reading was to ask me questions.  Only someone else started asking the questions.  I began to protest indicating the other person asking questions was different from the instructions.  I was told to just answer the questions.  The other person started asking me questions about things that were not in the reading and then I began getting the answers wrong.  Then the examiner said, "If this were the real world, you would be a failure because you failed the test."  I started to accept this fate, but then I guess I tapped into my backbone because I replied to that, "Hold on. Wait up.  I am not a failure.  I did not fail, you changed the rules and parameters. I am not going to accept that. I am not taking this anymore."  


Afterwords, I was still in this gymnasium type room when other people were coming to me and cheering me on, indicating they saw what happened.  The odd thing was they saying things in whispers, like it was a secret, as if they would get in trouble.  Then someone in charge came out and agreed with me and told me I was clearly in the right and admitted the test had been changed, but the changes were not made known.  I passed the test.  Then people began cheering openly, but that upset me, because the same people who were speaking to me covertly were now overly enthusiastic.

Then I am in a baseball dugout.  Someone I know and admire walked up and said, "I heard what happened to you.  Well done."  I replied, "I know.  I decided I was tired of people always doing stuff like that to me.  I knew I had to stand up for myself. Because that kind of stuff has made me look like this" as I motioned to my body with my hands.  That person sat down on the bench, and I remained standing.  The dream ends there. 


So, I do think I am dreaming about goals and aspirations, because one of the many goals I set for myself was weight loss.  I have dieted and failed too many times to count, so I am very hesitant to tell anyone.  But, maybe I have come to a place in my life where I am no longer afraid of failure and that I have found a way to stand up for myself, at least in my dream.  


I haven't contacted my dream interpreter yet, so I may be wrong.  I just think the little bit I know about dream analysis is enough to tide me over until I can talk to her. I have been seeking God's wisdom and counsel on my weight loss endeavor and that is probably where I get my nerve.  Perhaps gumption has always been there and God is revealing it to me.  Can I make a gumption assumption?  I think so.  Therefore, tonight, I bought a bookmark that contains the perfect verse for me in these days, "I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

A Plane Old Dream

Okay so, what I am about to say is, to me, slightly weird.  Somewhere in the middle of my REM sleep, I had similar dreams over and over.  Dream analysis is fascinating to me and I like to talk about it.  Regarding last night, it seems a bit odd to me to have the same dream theme occur multiple times in one night.  The details, I cannot remember exactly.  


But I dreamed I was in a small plane every time, but not piloting it.  The thing is, it crashed every time, but I survived each crash.  The last dream sequence I recall was that the plane crashed into water and I told someone who came to help that I needed to get out of the water but  I was holding the plane up with my leg.  What in the world?

Flying Plane by Linda Allardice

I'm not disturbed or upset by the dream, more like puzzled.  I've confided in my friend who helps me think through some of the common dream themes.  I do think my dreams last night were significant but not in any way prophetic.  Of course, I still need to pray because my friend has asked me some very sensible and pointed questions about goals and self-doubt.  Goals and self-doubt are things I can take to God in prayer.  Things I want to take to God in prayer because I want His guidance and counsel in my  life.  I believe and trust in this need for Holy Counsel because the Scriptures say in James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."  


When it comes to goals and self doubt, I need God and His wisdom.  I have set some pretty big goals for myself the past couple days, some I have prayed about and others, I did not even consider it.  Not that I didn't trust God, but that I didn't think it was necessary because it wasn't a big enough goal to bother Him about.  Oh...How could I forget?  My life is not my own, it is His.  He gave me life. He knows me to the very core of my being.  He knows the significant details and the insignificant.  He also knows how each play into my life.  Perhaps I have been relying on my own knowledge and strength to achieve my goals.  My dreams seem to show me that I need the wisdom of the Almighty to know how to fly and His strength to help me soar.  Maybe it took just a plane old dream to wake me up.  


"http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=10928&picture=flying-plane">Flying Plane</a> by Linda Allardice

Finesse, Flair and Foxtrot

In order to keep my life in balance, tonight I listened to the crooners of today and yesterday.  Michael Buble, Bobby Darin, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra.  The charm of a crooner is a smooth voice, infused with finesse, that embraces every word yet floats across the notes.  The crooners inspire femininity and simple elegance in this little heart of mine.  No other style of music creates an environment where twirling with flair, in the mode of the foxtrot, across a living room floor or backyard is not only welcomed, but encouraged.  Finesse, flair, and foxtrot...yeah, that's what I think when I think of the crooners.

Saturday Afternoon Jam Sessions

I wish I were a musician and not just one who just  appreciates music.  Intrigued by a friend's post on facebook, I followed a link to the mothership of music, Spotify. Today, I have been cleaning house and jamming out to tunes on Spotify.  Okay, so I have spent a little more time listening to music than cleaning house.  But, I couldn't stop myself from browsing.  Everything my brain could find in its memories of timeless treasures, I found on Spotify.  It's been wonderful!


Many of the songs I listened to today take me back to a time when all I had was my transistor radio and WLS, an old rock station out of Chicago.  It is now a talk radio station.  :(   As a youngster, I spent hours listening to the likes of Led Zeppelin, Rush, The Who, The Allman Brothers Band, Neil Young...just to name a few.  Music was a form of escape for me, but yet more than that, it was vital to my survival of many rough times during my formative years. 


As the years passed, I upgraded the transistor radio for a hi-fi with a turntable and 8-track player.  It was totally awesome!  I used my 4-H earnings from the fair to buy this portal to paradise.  As the technology changed, I traded the hi-fi for a boom box.  Eventually, the boom box was replaced by a stereo system with a CD player.  Now, I have an iPod too.  However, even though I had the hottest technology I could afford, my love for music waxed cold.


As the demands on my life and time increased, my time to savor and enjoy music dwindled to the point where I didn't listen anymore.  Sadly, I barely noticed the atrophy to my musical ears.  However, lately, when I have been more down than up, the instinct to reach for the iPod has increased.  Loaded in my iPod are my favorite songs.  Songs that enhance the meaning to my life.  Songs that soothe my soul.  Songs that lift my soul.  And songs that make me wanna dance!  


Bringing music back into my stream of consciousness has brought me back to my other love, writing.  For me, music and writing go hand in hand.  Music simply inspires and calls to me like the sea to a mariner.  It's beyond words...  

I Went For a Walk

I went for a walk in a cemetery today.  Why?  I needed to find a place to be alone and think...and pray.  Where else is there?  Parks usually have screaming kids.  The walking tracks at community centers have too many people, and usually smell bad.  Sidewalks are next to roads.  Roads have cars.  So, I decided a cemetery would be the best place to be alone.  And I was right.  A couple cars slowly passed by me, but the folks inside were probably minding their own business.  More than likely, they were absorbed by their own pain.  


Was I in pain?  A little bit, emotionally.  Kind of melancholy, but mostly...lost.  I woke up feeling lost in the world.  I am a processor.  A thinker always thinking.  Noodling, as my boss calls it.  There have been so many transitions in my life lately.  Actually, looking back, I feel as though I have always been in some sort of transitional phase.  Never settling down.  Never putting down roots.  Truth is, I don't know how.    

As I walked through the cemetery, I asked God to speak to me.  I was listening.  I asked God for direction, for Jesus to be with me, and for the Spirit to quicken me.  The wind was blowing and, for awhile, that is all I heard.  Then as clear as day, the words came through my mind, "Why are you looking for the living among the dead?"  Great question, I thought.  Scanning the rows of gravestones, I had no answer.  The flowers, statues, pictures, names distracted me from my thoughts.  My thoughts were the reason I was there. 


I prayed for a widow when I saw the marker for her late husband.  Someone I know.  I thanked God for my job and my coworkers.  For my supporters, I thanked God for them as I walked.  I thanked God that my life would not end in a cemetery.   


I kept walking.  Searching.  For what?  Answers?  Clues?  Symbolism?  It was cold.  Blustery, with snow flurries.  I love this kind of weather, but I wasn't in the mood for what I love.  I wanted to keep walking until I was satisfied.  A bit while later, I asked for forgiveness.  I asked God to reveal to me what was hindering me from hearing Him.  I wanted to be rid of it.  Confess it.  So I could hear.  


A bit while later, these words appeared in my mind, "Why are you looking for the living among the dead?"  I stopped walking.  God was making a point.  I know He is not a riddler just messing with my head.  Nope.  There is a reason He spoke these words to me.  These are the same words spoken by an angel in Luke 24:5 to women who were going to the tomb of Jesus on the third day.  So the words impressed on my mind are not a new revelation, but there is a spiritual application for my life in them.  But what?  I cannot rely on my own brains for this one.  He must want me to come to him for the answer to the question for my  life.  I love that about God.  

Cavities

I went to the dentist today and it was not a wonderful experience.  The hygienist has been warning me about flossing and using an electric tooth brush for many years now.  Today, she attacked my choppers with that silver hooky scraper thingamajig.  Nevertheless, no cavities!  For my teeth and pocketbook, that is good news.  Clean, healthy teeth affect my smile. 

But, as I think of the word cavity, I think about the fact I may not have any cavities in my teeth today, but I have them in my heart.  I think God, like the hygienist, has been taking a spiritual silver hooky scraper thingamajig to places in my heart.  He is cleaning out the yucky stuff to prevent further decay.  The cavities He has found, He will need to fill as only He can.  I have tried to fill them before, but only He has the right mix of fixes to restore to me a clean, healthy heart.  My heart affects my smile too. 

Though I do not have to return to my dentist for six months, I do not think I am quite done with the spiritual cleaning in my heart.  Today, I was hurting a little.  Still am, quite honestly.  It could be the scraping of old wounds or maybe a nerve was hit.  Regardless, the working on my heart has left me a bit tender and wanting to protect myself.  However, I know I am in good hands with God working on my heart because in the Bible, Psalm 34:18 says “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”